This piece discusses postpartum recovery, childbirth-related physical trauma, painful sex, body image concerns, relationship strain, and emotional challenges experienced after becoming a parent. Reader discretion is advised.

The mothers in this piece have not given their surnames due to privacy reasons. 

Talia’s Story

“Six weeks after giving birth, everyone asked if the baby was sleeping okay. Nobody asked if sex still hurt, or if I was having any sex at all…” 

Talia, who was 32 when she had her baby girl, initially thought intimacy would go back to normal. 

“Instead, I felt like my body didn’t belong to me anymore. My daughter was attached to me all day, I was exhausted. 

“I was worried about everything from sleep to breastfeeding, to body image. I had stretch marks and vaginal scars because I had to have an episiotomy.” An episiotomy is a surgical cut made during childbirth to widen the vaginal opening, making delivery of the baby easier or quicker. 

“Sex was just one piece of a much bigger adjustment.”

Like Talia, many mothers find themselves feeling unexpectedly alone after having a baby. The beauty and joy of new motherhood are widely celebrated, with the less visible realities of postpartum life gnawing quietly in the background. 

The transition into motherhood can reshape intimacy and relationships in profound ways, bringing emotional and physical challenges few feel prepared for.

Healthcare figures recommend waiting at least six weeks postpartum before having sex for the body to heal.

“I thought once I got cleared at six weeks, sex would come back, but we went from having sex regularly before the baby, to none at all. 

“When my husband would ask about it, he wasn’t trying to be cruel, but it would make me feel immense pressure,” explains Talia. 

“I worried that he expected me to bounce back faster than I could. What I needed was help and emotional support – what he heard was rejection.

The more her husband pursued intimacy, the more Talia pulled away. “I started resenting him because I felt like he got to keep being himself while I had completely disappeared into motherhood. 

“Eventually, even cuddling felt like another demand. We went a year barely touching each other, and honestly the emotional distance hurt more than the lack of sex. 

“He was doing his best but there was just something in me that felt unsexy, unattractive and uninterested in being intimate sexually or cuddling.”

Talia felt unable to confide in her friends, overwhelmed by feelings of shame.

“I wish healthcare providers talked about postpartum sex proactively instead of waiting for women to bring it up, I felt embarrassed having to ask them. I also had friends at the time who started having sex sooner than I could. I thought, something’s really wrong with my body. I just felt so useless.”

Talia’s daughter has just turned two, and after eighteen months of couples therapy, she and her husband have rebuilt their intimacy to a much stronger place.

“The love hasn’t gone, it’s probably grown deeper. I’m proud that we managed to come through the other side because it’s made us a stronger couple and we appreciate intimacy so much more now. 

“We need to normalise the idea that intimacy can look different after birth. It doesn’t have to mean ‘bouncing back’ into intercourse if you’re not ready. I had to come to realise I wasn’t broken, I was readjusting and that’s okay.”

Meg’s Story

Meg was twenty nine when she gave birth to twins. 

“I assumed we’d wait six weeks, have sex, and it would be awkward but fine. It wasn’t fine.

“The first time we tried, at around ten weeks, I cried. 

“It felt like my body was bracing for impact. I was healed according to my doctor, but mentally and physically I wasn’t ready. Everything felt different.”

For nearly a year, Meg and her partner struggled with intimacy.

“Vaginal dryness caught me completely off guard, which was caused by the breastfeeding hormones. 

“It just made me hurt even more. We added lube which helped but felt a bit awkward for me because we’d never used it before. The thing is, I wanted to have sex, but it was like my brain and body weren’t communicating. I wasn’t prepared for how long the recovery could take.

“Eventually, we got back to normal. But all those baby books and chats with mum friends and doctors couldn’t have prepared me for the lived experience.”

Joanne’s Story

Joanne was thirty two when she gave birth to her baby boy. 

“For the first few months, sex wasn’t really on either of our minds. We were exhausted. Most nights we were just trying to get rest. 

“There was definitely a sexual distance between us for a bit. Not because we were any less in love or attracted to each other, but because it just didn’t interest us at the time.”

Instead, intimacy grew between Joanne and her partner in a different form.

“We’d sit on the sofa together after the baby finally fell asleep, share take aways, watch TV, and talk like a normal couple again. Those moments mattered more than I expected, we definitely would have struggled without that to bind us together. It was definitely more valuable than sex to us both.” 

When the couple started having sex again three months post birth, Joanne says it wasn’t spontaneous like the sex they’d had before becoming parents. 

“We had to communicate more. Sometimes we’d plan around naps. Sometimes we’d start and stop because we were too tired or the baby woke up next door.

“It wasn’t the same sexual relationship as before, but it wasn’t worse either. It was more intentional and honestly more emotional once we found our footing.” 

Sophie’s Expert Advice

Sophie Harris is a specialist perinatal psychotherapist and motherhood therapist who works with clients across the UK and internationally via online sessions. Through her large online community, she supports mothers who may be struggling and feeling isolated in their experiences.

Discussing why so many women who are physically ‘cleared’ for sex after childbirth but remain emotionally or mentally unready, Sophie explains: “For a lot of mums the six week GP check is not supportive of their physical or mental health. It’s often a few questions to check for any major issues, and doesn’t account for the huge life transition that a woman is going through when she becomes a mum.

“As a result, the six week mark has become a socially constructed idea of when women ‘should’ be ready to resume sex, when in reality, the vast majority of women simply don’t feel ready.”

She adds that the physical and emotional realities of early motherhood can make sexual intimacy feel far from a priority.

“For most mums, breastfeeding, physical recovery and hormonal changes can leave you feeling tender, vulnerable and emotionally stretched. Many of these experiences are completely new and require time, patience and self-compassion.

“Most women feel the opposite of sexy during this period. It’s a time of turning inward, questioning yourself, and navigating the intense vulnerability that comes with such a profound life change.”

Rather than focusing solely on sex, Sophie encourages couples to nurture intimacy in other ways.

“I often recommend finding alternative ways to connect physically, such as deep-pressure hugs, holding hands, or giving each other back rubs.

“Making eye contact, having regular check-ins and creating space for meaningful conversations can also help. Many parents tell me they feel more like roommates during this stage of life, so finding ways to connect both physically and emotionally can make a real difference.”

Addressing Talia’s concerns about feeling alone and unable to speak openly with medical professionals, Sophie notes that postpartum support in the UK is limited.

“I think many women would benefit from greater access to support, including pelvic health physiotherapy and more comprehensive postnatal care, but unfortunately a lot of mothers aren’t receiving the help they need.”

For women worried that changes in their sex life after childbirth signal a problem in their relationship, Sophie offers reassurance.

“Some changes in your sex life after becoming parents are completely normal. Becoming a parent is one of the biggest adjustments you’ll ever make in your life.

“I would encourage couples to balance between being patient with themselves during this life stage and not forcing something that doesn’t feel right.

“At the same time, when you do start to feel ready, reconnecting sexually may require a small leap of faith as you find your way back to that part of your relationship.”