This article contains discussion of sexual and religious trauma and discussion of sexual intimacy. Reader discretion is advised.
Let’s be honest – you’re curious. Sex magic sounds alluring, erotic, maybe even a little forbidden…
Well, according to California-based intimacy coach, Portia Mayari, the practice of sex magic is much more powerful than we might think. Pomegranate explores.
What is sex magic?
What if the secret to irresistible pleasure wasn’t in that buffoon who ghosted you… but in an untapped power already inside you?
Enter: sex magic.
By harnessing sexual energy, whether it be arousal or orgasm, you can intentionally focus on what you desire and channel that energy toward making it a reality.
“It’s an intentional manifestation practice pairing focused visualisation with erotic energy to help ‘charge’ a desire.” explains Portia Mayari.
“Sex magic can be used to bring something into your life; a job promotion, a new partner, deeper self love… by channelling sexual energy in its direction, you’re bringing something into existence.”
Portia’s a leading erotic intimacy coach known for helping people reclaim their power through sex magic. She has a devoted online following, a podcast, a Substack newsletter, and placement in magazines like Elle and Teen Vogue.
But Portia’s journey here was anything but easy.
Meet Portia Mayari
Portia, a first-generation Filipino American, never imagined she would one day practice sex magic – let alone teach it. Raised in a Catholic household in the San Francisco Bay Area, she grew up under traditional rules.… be good, be quiet, oh, and definitely DON’T ask questions about sex. Not only that, but her upbringing became marked by sexual trauma and serious mental health struggles.
Portia says that shame around pleasure is something that, like her, most of us are quietly raised on.
“Like many women, my narrative around sex and pleasure was that it was for a man and not my own” reflects Portia. “I learnt that my body was for others, my worth tied to being desirable, pleasing, accommodating.”
Despite her family’s traditional values, she decided to walk an alternative career path.
“Growing up, art and creative self-expression was deeply important and healing to me. My pursuit of it often made me the black sheep of the family. In their eyes I should’ve been a nurse, doctor, or engineer.”
Portia excelled in the creative industry. She worked as a hairstylist for 10 years, becoming a platform artist for Rusk Hair and becoming recognized as one of the top stylists in the San Francisco Bay Area. Later, she was asked to join VSCO as Director of Community, leading a team that supported digital creators.
But by 29, she was burnt out. “I was out of shape and I wanted a change. So I took control of my health, began working out for the first time since high school, and discovered self-care. This inspired a career shift toward holistic life coaching.”
Through a life coaching group – now called Lumia – Portia became an ICF Certified Life Coach, focusing on this for around three years while being a content creator.
Portia’s work as a wellness coach and influencer gained global recognition in publications like Shape Magazine, Elle, and Glamour, as well as partnering with brands like Nike and Adidas.
“On the outside, I had the most Instagram-worthy life.”
Even still, she felt disconnected.
“I was numb. I performed pleasure without experiencing it. I was living in survival, without calling it that.”
Despite outward success and attention, Portia felt a persistent sense of emptiness. She moved through life on autopilot, driven by the belief that constant achievement would eventually earn her fulfillment.
“I just felt alienated from my body, with no idea what turned me on not just sexually but in life. I felt suffocated by societal expectations from my Catholic upbringing to the good-girl scripts about marriage, motherhood, and being ‘grateful’ for a life that was slowly draining me. ”
Then came the permission slip. Her eldest daughter came home from school: We’re starting sex education, please sign.
Portia froze.
“I thought, I can’t rely on schools, media, or culture to help my kids navigate their sexuality safely and confidently. It has to be me. That’s when I realised, holy shit, I can’t teach my kids this stuff because I’m not empowered in my sexuality. In fact, I feel confused and conflicted. There I was… the self-love and empowerment coach who could make big moves in business… but lacked the power in herself when it came to desires in sex and relationships.”
If Portia wanted to raise children who felt safe in their bodies, she had to feel safe in her own first.
“I had a very simple, very fierce realisation that no one was coming to hand me permission. So I finally stopped waiting to feel worthy enough, healed enough, or confident enough to want what I wanted.”
Portia was 35 when she experienced her first orgasm.
“I decided to pleasure myself for no other purpose but to explore my body. I grabbed some coconut oil, lit a candle, and put on some music, and began to touch myself with the intention to learn and discover how my body responds to certain touches, smells, and expressions.
“For the first time, I felt truly connected to my body in a way I had never experienced before. It was a pivotal moment in my journey towards understanding myself, what brought me health and fulfillment, and my self-expression. So I began navigating my sexuality…”
One exploration led to another. This is when Portia learned about sex magic.
“I discovered sacred sexuality through a private tantra workshop.”
Porita met her first tantra teacher, Jenna La Flamme, who guided Portia and her partner through a series of tantric practices including a yoni massage and a penis massage.
“I’d always felt that sexuality could be spiritual.The focus wasn’t on doing something ‘kinky’ or extreme, but on discovering our bodies as sacred sources of pleasure and power.”
Sacred sexuality is an approach to intimacy that views sexual energy as a divine, spiritual force rather than just physical pleasure. It aims to deepen connection, and healing by blending physical intimacy with presence, breathwork, and emotional, or spiritual, consciousness.
Sex magic is a form of this – beginning in ancient traditions and recently popularized in the west by teachers like Margot Anand. Sex magic treats sexual energy as a surprisingly powerful tool for change.
Inspired and empowered, Portia began travelling the globe to train with world-class sexuality teachers and embodiment coaches. While visiting Costa Rica and Mexico, Portia trained with the likes of Layla Martin, Jenna La Flamme and Dr. Arielle Schwartz.
“I dedicated myself to understanding the depths of sexuality, transformation, and spiritual awakening. I went from absolute self-loathing to unconditional, radical as fuck self-love and self-acceptance.”
Once Portia saw what was possible, there was no going back. In 2021, she became a certified VITA Tantric Sex and Relationship Coach, first sharing sex magic with clients, then with thousands of followers online. She became what she’d needed all this time: a light in the fog of shame that so often surrounds desire.
“Breaking free from Catholic and generational shame didn’t happen in one dramatic moment; it was a slow unhooking of my body from stories that told me I was dangerous, dirty, or ‘too much.’
“At first, it felt terrifying. I had to sit with the voices in my head that said, “You’re a bad woman, a bad mother, a bad daughter,” and learn that this voice was inherited, not the truth of my soul.
“Over time, with sacred sexuality practices, something softer and deeper emerged. It began to feel like I was reclaiming my birthright: that my body, my orgasms, and my pleasure, are holy, not sinful.”
Portia no longer identifies as a practicing Catholic, but does carry a deep relationship with spirituality.
She explains: “I don’t reject the faith chosen by my family; I understand it was one way they reached for safety, belonging, and meaning. What I reject is the way those beliefs are weaponised against our bodies and our pleasure.
“I’m finally living a life that feels rooted in sensual aliveness and deep alignment. My greatest loves right now are my community, my work, and my own body.”
How sex magic works
For skeptics wondering if sex magic really works, Portia points to a science-adjacent explanation. She says sexual arousal engages the autonomic nervous system, activating and then releasing tension, which is why the body can feel deeply reset afterwards.
“Pair that with visualisation and you create a potent experience. Pleasure also triggers neurochemicals tied to motivation, bonding, and relief.
“Combine a clear desire with an emotionally charged state, and your nervous system registers it as real and safe. It’s an imprint that says this is okay to want. It’s less about manifesting and more about teaching your body and mind that your desire belongs to you.”
While there aren’t yet scientific studies on sex magic specifically, there is research in psychology supporting manifestation.
James Doty, a neurosurgeon at Stanford University, explains this in his book Mind Magic. The book, in summary, suggests that with focused attention, visualisation, and clear intention-setting, people can strengthen neural pathways that support motivation and goal-directed behaviour.
In other words, consistently focusing energy toward a goal can shift your mindset and make it more likely you’ll take the actions needed to achieve it.
How to perform a sex magic ritual: Portia Explains
Suppose you think of your body like a battery. Sex magic is how you charge it. Then direct that energy.
1) Create a container
Start by creating a ritual space that signals safety and focus. This can be as simple as lighting a candle, taking a shower, or putting on music that makes you feel tuned in and turned on. You’re not trying to be ‘sexy’. You’re creating an environment where your body can relax and become receptive.
2) Choose your intention
Pick one desire and name it clearly. Keep it simple: something you genuinely want and feel ready to hold. It can be tangible (like a job or a creative opportunity) or internal (like healing or building deeper self-trust).
3) Engage the senses and visualise
Before you move into pleasure, activate your senses. Sight, sound, smell, taste, touch. Then visualise yourself living the desired reality, using those senses to make it vivid. You’re letting the body familiarise itself with the reality you’re calling in.
4) Build erotic energy
Without forcing it, begin to build pleasure through breath, movement, touch. This can be alone or with a partner: however you prefer to receive pleasure. Sex magic doesn’t require orgasm. It doesn’t have to be intense. It’s not performative. The key is presence. If you notice tension, rushing, or performance, slow down and return to breath.
5) ‘Charge’ the intention
As arousal rises, hold your intention lightly, like a thread. At the peak (orgasm or a strong crest of pleasure), bring the desire fully into awareness and drop into the feeling of it being true. This is the moment of imprint: letting pleasure tell your system, it’s safe to want; it’s safe to receive.
6) Release and close
Afterwards, rest. Let your body integrate. Some people like to place a hand on the heart and belly, whisper gratitude, or write a single sentence in a journal. Then, return to your life with small actions that match the reality you just rehearsed in your body.
“If you’re feeling deeply dysregulated, heavy, or using the practice to bypass emotions, it’s wise to pause and come back when you feel more resourced. Sex magic is most powerful when it’s rooted in consent and safety” noted Portia.
Is sex magic for you?
The short answer? It’s for anyone. Portia says that many of us are unravelling decades of societal ‘shoulds’.
“It’s the thing that whispers not yet, or maybe later,” explains Portia.
“My mission now is to help others tap into their own pleasure and sensuality as a way to heal trauma, connect with their original essence, and live more fulfilling lives.”
While sex magic can be practised alone, Portia offers intimate 1:1 coaching.
“I guide people through breath work, grounding, inner child work, nervous-system mapping, and erotic energy practices to help clients feel more choice, safety, and aliveness in their body.
“We might explore boundaries, desire, communication, or patterns in your relationships, and often we work with what’s happening in their life right now.”
Though still unconventional in Western therapy, Portia believes sex magic is a profoundly healing tool, helping people reclaim whatever was taken from them.
When practised with consent and safety, she says it can become a direct path to wholeness.
“Your body is not a problem to solve, but a source of magic waiting to be turned on.”
