One Pomegranate reader wrote in. Here is their experience:

Strange how having more confidence in your body and sexuality changes things. I used to think discomfort was just part of femininity. Dressing for prettiness rather than comfort, for a version of myself that looked good’ but never fully felt like me.

Often appearing how I thought men might want. Now, since becoming more comfortable in my body and expressing myself however I like to, I’m learning there’s a difference between wanting to be desired and actually desiring.

Here is our response:

Dear reader,

We at Pomegranate hear you! Many of what you describe a lot of women feel but can go unspoken. We are taught early on that feminity is just one thing, and we feel we should be put in a pretty pink box. At times it can be uncomfortable trying our best to perform being a “good women” but what does that even mean.

There is something powerful about discovering what comfort, sensuality, or beauty mean on your own terms. Finding yourself and your confidence doesn’t arrive suddenly, loving your body is about no longer abandoning yourself in order to fit into a expectation. You are allowed to shift and change realtionships, style, sexuality and the way you move through the world. It is no one elses buisness how you want to dress.

If you are reading this thinking, I wish I could feel validated within myself, you are not alone! A 2025 study by Dove found 2 in 5 women would give up a year of their life to achieve their beauty ideals and 69% of women have skipped social events because of low body confidence. It is clear the social pressure of women being and looking a certain way!

The distinction you make between wanting to be desired and actually desiring feels especially important in the context of loving ourselves. Psychologists often describe this as the difference between performing attractiveness for external validation and experiencing embodied desire, desire rooted in comfort, agency, and connection to yourself. The only validation we need is validation from ourselves.

There’s something liberating about realising femininity does not have to mean discomfort. It sounds like rather then becoming someone new, you are returning to yourself allowing the person who has always been there be free, and that is validating in itself. Dress for your own gaze! Go you!

Thank you for your coffession,

Love, Pomegranate xo

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