Millions of people stay silent about their lack of experience or fake their satisfaction out of pure embarrassment. Instead of playing a guessing game, communicating about sexual preferences is the single most effective way to unlock real pleasure and build trust.

Communication is key. That’s what we’ve always been taught. Communication is needed in literally any relationship; romantic, plutonic, and even sexual. Conversations about your own intimate preferences can seem scary; it’s why so many people shy away from them. It comes with embracing vulnerability, and bridging this can actually make sexual experiences easier and more enjoyable. Yet, everyone still avoids talking about it! Why is communication in the bedroom so stigmatized, and what can we do to overcome it?

Social Media and Porn

In a major 2025 survey conducted by LADbible and ResearchBods, they found that 88% of Gen Zers have admitted to having learnt about sex primarily from pornography. Learning from a screen prioritizing fantasy over real-life is giving young people the wrong ideas about what sex is actually like. The content is hyper-performed and creates entirely unrealistic expectations that this generation is just accepting as the truth. 49% of Gen Z have said this has actively changed their assumptions about real sex. FFS – LADbible Group tackles Gen Z’s unhealthy relationship with porn in major new campaign – Prolific North 

It curates a narrative that everyone has it figured out because they’re really just following what they’re watching. Emily, a 21-year-old woman from London, knows this. “It’s really easy to think that everyone is really good at something and I must kind of perform to a level to my partner.”

Social media doesn’t help; the algorithm boosts this content and creators like “the hop house.” Research shows 89.1% of young people continuously compare their real lives to what they see online, and the people who do post about their lives would never post the bad parts. People who speak about sex online act like they are having amazing sex, and that’s them perpetuating the idea that if someone is having bad sex, something is wrong with them. This turns sex into a guessing game because appearing experienced becomes more desirable than actual pleasure. A study published in The Journal of Sexual Medicine in 2011 found between 50–68% of women have faked an orgasm, one factor being the fear of seeming inexperienced or naive. Communication could fix this and make pleasure the actual goal of sex; we just need to combat this fear of admitting you don’t always know what you’re doing.

The Inexperience Myth

There is an assumption amongst young people that everyone around them is having sex. This isn’t true! The Kinsey Institute found that 25% of Gen Z have no sexual experience, and yet no one wants to communicate about this inexperience. Emily understands why this can be difficult: “It’s hard to want to open up to someone when it’s something very physically and emotionally intimate… People just assume that having communication means something is already going wrong.”

It doesn’t. Inexperience does not mean you’re doing something wrong; communication can help guide sexual partners, maximize pleasure, and avoid the awkwardness of pretending you know what to do and pretending you’re enjoying it. LADbible also found that 55.4% of women have wanted to raise something about sex but have been held back by embarrassment. This silence isn’t increasing satisfaction, but saying something would.

How Communication Improves Sex

Communication might not sound sexy, but can actually lead to a happier and healthier sex life. Emily has found this to be true: “You’ll gain a lot more confidence within yourself, but also within your relationship because you’ll stop letting this quite significant part of your relationship be such a daunting aspect.”

In a study covering 38,499 people from the Journal of Sex Research, it was found there is a prominent positive association between sexual communication and relationship satisfaction. The quality and manner of this conversation further determined the extent of these results. It’s not just about the communication; it’s about how well you do it.

“It took a lot to overcome this and accept that my new partner was able to understand what I was saying… But then I made sure I had a lot of open dialogue with them about what I was interested in.”

Communication has helped Emily, and can help so many more. Talking about your sexual preferences ensures that the experience prioritizes your pleasure and comfort. Over 48 studies, it was found that sexual communication is linked to sexual desire, arousal, lubrication, orgasm, erectile function, less pain during sex and overall sexual function. Couples’ sexual communication and dimensions of sexual function: A meta-analysis – PMC