{"id":697,"date":"2026-05-20T16:46:15","date_gmt":"2026-05-20T15:46:15","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/pomegranatemag.co.uk\/?p=697"},"modified":"2026-05-20T16:59:26","modified_gmt":"2026-05-20T15:59:26","slug":"situationship-dating-romantic-limbo","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/pomegranatemag.co.uk\/?p=697","title":{"rendered":"Everbody’s flirting, nobody’s fucking"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

I swear we\u2019ve all been trapped in the same bizarre dating purgatory for the last few years, pretending it\u2019s normal. It\u2019s that specific kind of situation where you talk every day, you know exactly what song makes them cry and what their coffee order is – you\u2019ve even met their mum over FaceTime \u2013 but as soon as someone asks what you guys actually are? <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Total blank. No idea. Yet, somehow, we\u2019ve just decided that\u2019s acceptable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

If you think about it, modern dating doesn\u2019t even really end in heartbreak anymore. It suddenly just comes to a halt. Or worse, it never really starts at all, which is honestly more unsettling because at least a breakup is something you can point at and say, okay, that was real. Now it\u2019s just this weird, permanent limbo where nothing technically ends, but nothing ever begins either.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’re skipping the hello and heading straight to the trauma<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Everybody\u2019s flirting. Nobody\u2019s fucking.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

And I don\u2019t even mean the obvious. I mean commitment. Risk. Actually saying, \u201cthis matters to me\u201d out loud, knowing that same feeling might not be returned.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It\u2019s a paradox, really, because we\u2019re actually closer than ever \u2013 at least on paper. We\u2019re skipping the \u201cget to know you\u201d phase entirely and diving straight into the deep end, and at this point, you\u2019ll probably know someone\u2019s deepest fear before you even know if you\u2019re allowed to leave a toothbrush at their house. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

It feels so strange, though, because it goes against everything we were told growing up. We were raised to believe effort was never wasted, right? That if you went for something – whether it be a dream, a job, a person even – the outcome was secondary to the attempt, and the true victory lies within the trying itself.\u00a0 <\/p>\n\n\n\n

We watched our favourite on-screen characters hover in the \u201cmaybe\u201d for years, only to be rewarded for finally risking the embarrassment of caring. Look at Bridget Jones: she was unapologetically a mess – gaffes, giant knickers, and all – and she still found her happy ending. Wanting someone openly and loudly wasn\u2019t \u201ccringe\u201d, but more often admirable.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was genuinely under the impression that was the deal. That it was as simple as being \u201cjust a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to choose her.\u201d\u00a0 Now? That version of love feels like a relic.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Practically married by 3.a.m, strangers by breakfast time\u00a0<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Take someone like Izzy, who is 20 and has been stuck in this blur for eight months. She describes it as having the emotional intimacy of a fifty-year marriage – minus the label.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\u201cWe\u2019ll be up at 3 am having the deepest chats known to man, and then we wake up 7 hours later, and it\u2019s like someone hit a reset button. We just act like it never happened. It\u2019s exhausting.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019ve managed to collectively master this bizarre kind of emotional gymnastics, where you share everything but name absolutely nothing. This whole setup has basically built a world where you get all the lovely perks and closeness of a relationship, but have to deal with zero of the responsibility. You miss each other, you\u2019re in the absolute weeds of each other\u2019s lives, but the second you try to put a label on it, the air just seems to magically leave the room, as if you\u2019ve accidentally broken some unspoken rule.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This, what I like to call the \u201cin-between space\u201d, has become so normal it barely registers anymore. But Dr. Kate Sherratt<\/strong>, a clinical psychologist, says that while these \u201cambiguous relationships\u201d aren\u2019t exactly emergent, modern dating has supercharged them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n


\u201cAmbiguous relationships aren\u2019t new – versions of this dynamic have always existed – but modern dating has changed the way they play out.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cFrom an attachment perspective, ambiguity can feel safer than clarity for different reasons. For people with more anxious tendencies, there\u2019s often a fear that connection is fragile – that asking for clarity might scare someone off, make them seem \u2018too much,\u2019 or risk losing a relationship they value.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

That fear of being \u2018too much\u2019 is such a heavy thing to carry, and I believe it\u2019s honestly why the whole dating scene feels so suffocating right now. We\u2019re already terrified of breaking something fragile, but then we have to deal with this constant \u201coptions\u201d culture that makes it incredibly easy to never actually choose anyone.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Catherine, 56<\/strong>, recently re-entered the dating world after years of marriage and finds the new rules almost unrecognisable.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cIf you were spending four nights a week with someone, you were a couple,\u201d she says. \u201cIt didn\u2019t need a big conversation \u2013 that\u2019s just how it was. Now everything feels like a negotiation.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

Relationship counsellor Jindriska Harris<\/strong> believes our phones are feeding this hesitation.\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

\u201cOnline dating creates this feeling that there\u2019s always another option, so people stay half in and half out. Some people want the closeness of a relationship but without fully committing to it<\/em>. It’s a bit like wanting to have the cake and eat it too.<\/em>“<\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n

\u201cYou get the connection, but you keep your options open just in case something better comes along,\u201d she said.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We’ve all turned into Sherlock Holmes<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

Think about the sheer amount of energy we waste just trying to keep these \u201cnon-situations\u201d alive. It\u2019s exhausting. We\u2019re out here living in this weird contradiction where we\u2019re hyper-connected but yet so totally isolated. For instance, we\u2019ll track someone\u2019s location or re-watch their Instagram stories like they\u2019re some kind of cinematic masterpiece. We\u2019ll sit there and analyse the literal gap between a sent message and a blue tick – yet we\u2019re too terrified to ask a simple, \u201cWhere is this actually going?\u201d because we\u2019re scared of \u201cruining the vibe.\u201d It\u2019s dumbfounding, right? I\u2019m guilty of it. You probably are too. We\u2019ve traded five minutes of awkward, honest conversation for the agonising, months-long slow-burn of playing digital detective. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Chill is just another word for terrified<\/strong><\/h2>\n\n\n\n

We\u2019re essentially just letting our egos play it safe. Saying \u201cI want you\u201d carries the risk of a \u201cno\u201d \u2013 I know, scary \u2013 especially when rejection feels less like a private sting and more like a public humiliation these days. So instead of being brave, instead of taking the leap, we drop miniscule  hints that give us an exit strategy the moment things feel too real. It\u2019s a calculated way to ensure we never have to lose face. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

However, the reality of it is: ambiguity isn\u2019t some neutral safety zone. It\u2019s actually a very slow drain that just keeps you agonisingly suspended in all these \u201calmosts.\u201d Almost chosen, almost secure, almost loved.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I stayed in that warm blur because, at the time, it felt safer than being seen clearly. I kept telling myself I was \u201cchill\u201d and that I didn\u2019t even care that much, but really? I was just avoiding the exact moment I\u2019d have to risk being rejected.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Counsellor and Relationships Coach Montserrat Holloway<\/strong> says this kind of uncertainty keeps your nervous system stuck on a loop:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n


\u201cThe thing is, this ambiguity reduces short-term fear, but it increases long-term anxiety as our nervous systems don\u2019t fully relax in uncertainty, so we are more likely to be hyper-vigilant, over-analyse things like messages, tones and even the silences.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n


I realised ambiguity wasn\u2019t protecting me the night it finally stopped being theoretical. After months of this \u201changing out\u201d dance, on a random Saturday night, he came over to me in a club with a girl standing right behind him and said, totally casual: \u201cCan I have my pyjamas back? She needs them.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n

There was no betrayal, and no rules were technically broken, either. I couldn’t even be mad – because we’d never actually set any rules, and by never saying what I wanted, I’d signed a contract to never be a priority. There it was: my eureka moment. Ambiguity never actually stopped me from getting hurt; it just took away my right to be surprised when it finally happened.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

As Dr. Sherratt puts it:<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\n

“Secure relationships aren’t built on walking on eggshells. They’re based on mutual respect and communication. The right relationship isn’t so fragile that it collapses because someone expresses their interest or asks an honest question.”<\/em><\/p>\n<\/blockquote>\n\n\n\n


So let me ask you… are you in something you can\u2019t name – not because you don\u2019t care, but because naming it feels riskier than losing it? Are you calling it \u201cgoing with the flow\u201d when you\u2019re actually terrified of being honest?\u00a0
<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We didn’t stop wanting love. We just got bloody good at avoiding it.
<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

In the age of the \u201ctalking stage\u201d, we\u2019ve traded the risk of heartbreak for a permanent state of limbo. Is avoiding the label protecting our peace, or just eroding our ability to love? <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":250,"featured_media":703,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[30,33,29,32],"class_list":["post-697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-uncategorised","tag-connections","tag-love","tag-pomegranate","tag-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nEverbody's flirting, nobody's fucking - Pomegranate<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We talk every day, know each other's coffee orders - but can't answer what we actually are. 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