![\"A](\"https:\/\/pomegranatemag.co.uk\/wp-content\/uploads\/sites\/60\/2026\/05\/IMG_5223-1024x576.jpg\")
<\/figure>\n\n\n\nA couple sits together on a park bench. Image: Martin Podsiad \/ Unsplash<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At the time, Sophia thought she was simply overthinking it. Both of them were each other\u2019s first serious relationship.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t really know what\u2019s normal,\u201d she says. \u201cEspecially because we were both inexperienced.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
When they started seeing each other almost every day, the pressure became harder to ignore.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cEvery time we would see each other, he would try to initiate sex with me,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
If she said no, he pushed her further.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHe\u2019d say, \u2018Why don\u2019t we try a different position?\u2019 or \u2018We don\u2019t have to have sex, why don\u2019t you just give me head instead?\u2019\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, Sophia found herself constantly monitoring her own behaviour around him.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI had to explicitly explain to him my body language signals,\u201d she says. \u201cI was saying no to him two, five, eight times, and he would still find ways to proceed.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sometimes, she says, he became irritated when she rejected him, which slowly made her feel responsible for his frustration.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt made me feel like this was somehow my fault,\u201d she says. \u201cLike he\u2019d been patient with me, so I owed it to him to try again.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the biggest warning signs, she reflects, was that intimacy stopped feeling emotionally safe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI felt like I couldn\u2019t be intimate with him even in a small way,\u201d she says. \u201cThings like making out made me anxious because I felt like he would take that as a signal for something bigger.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Besides the physical intimacy, she describes him as loving, supportive, and emotionally attentive. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOur sex life and our relationship life were two very different things,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cTo me, being a good girlfriend was loving him and supporting him, but the second sex was involved, being a good girlfriend suddenly felt like compromising my own sexual experience to satisfy his.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe further he pushed things, the more he just felt like this scary figure that was hungry for one thing, and it was my body.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
There were still ordinary days, inside jokes, affection, and the familiar comfort of someone who had been in her life for years. That made the harmful moments easier to shrink in her own mind. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe fact that I loved him very much was always bigger than the fear,\u201d she says. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cSometimes I would gaslight myself that we were just having a nice, intimate moment rather than something I clearly did not enjoy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI think I mistook being happy that it was over for thinking it was a pleasurable experience.\u201d <\/p>\n\n\n\n
She also became hyperaware during sex itself.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI was definitely hyper aware of every single thing,\u201d she says. \u201cMost of the time, I just hoped that this would be over soon.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
At first, Sophia struggled to understand just how deeply the relationship had affected her. Healing appeared through ordinary things she barely noticed at first.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t realise how tense I was all the time until I wasn\u2019t anymore,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Recovery, she explains, was about relearning comfort, sleeping properly again, and feeling relaxed. She no longer prepared herself for somebody else\u2019s disappointment every time she said no.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
During the relationship, Sophia often blamed her body for not responding the way she thought it should.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI thought my lack of pleasure was my own fault and I blamed my body for it,\u201d she says. \u201cBut later I understood that it was my body\u2019s response to not being comfortable around him. My body was reacting exactly how it should\u2019ve reacted.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That realisation changed the way she understood intimacy entirely.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI stopped associating intimacy with pressure,\u201d she says. \u201cThat was probably one of the biggest changes.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Over time, she also became more comfortable setting boundaries without immediately feeling guilty afterwards.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI used to apologise for everything,\u201d she says, laughing softly. \u201cEven saying no felt like I was doing something mean.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cHealing for me was mostly learning to trust myself again and realising that discomfort is there for a reason.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
One of the biggest parts of that process was speaking openly after years of silence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOpening up is one of the biggest things that helps,\u201d she says. \u201cWhen you\u2019re isolated, you start convincing yourself everything is normal.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cJust remember that there\u2019s always a support network around you that you can rely on, and you\u2019re not alone, because this happens to a lot of other people too.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
She now encourages people in similar situations to stop dismissing recurring anxiety, guilt, or emotional discomfort as ordinary parts of intimacy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cOne thing I would say is, it\u2019s really easy to say, \u2018just leave that situation,\u2019 but it\u2019s easier said than done,\u201d she says. \u201cSo don\u2019t feel ashamed if you\u2019ve recognised you might be in a situation like this, but you can\u2019t get yourself to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For Sophia, healing also meant allowing herself to trust people again, even when that initially felt frightening.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIt\u2019s difficult to trust somebody new,\u201d she says. \u201cBut it\u2019s also a lot worse to trust the past in who you\u2019re with now.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
For a long time, Sophia did not think of the relationship as coercive. Like many women, she associated sexual violence with strangers rather than long-term partners.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cI just want people to know that this definitely does happen in relationships,\u201d she says. \u201cAnd it\u2019s not just a thing that happens on a one-night stand.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
According to the World Health Organization, around one in three women worldwide will experience physical or sexual violence during their lifetime, most commonly from an intimate partner. In England and Wales, around 40% of women who experienced rape or assault by penetration said the perpetrator was a current or former partner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Leaving, she says now, was the hardest part.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cProbably by far the hardest thing I\u2019ve ever had to do in my life,\u201d she says. \u201cIt also made me upset because I knew that I had to get out of that situation despite having loads of feelings for that person.\u201d<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Still, she says the relationship ultimately changed her understanding of herself in ways she now considers important.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Today, intimacy no longer feels connected to obligation, guilt, or emotional pressure. She trusts her instincts faster. She no longer apologises for boundaries she believes are reasonable.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cIf someone actually loves you, they\u2019re not going to just keep doing that,\u201d she says.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Then she smiles slightly.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
\u201cThe whole perspective that I have in sexual intimacy now is completely different from how I was when I was with him,\u201d she says. \u201cHonestly, I feel much stronger and happier than I did before.\u201d<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
For years, Sophia believed her anxiety around intimacy was her fault. It took leaving a coercive relationship to understand that her body had been trying to protect her all along.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":268,"featured_media":1356,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_et_pb_use_builder":"","_et_pb_old_content":"","_et_gb_content_width":"","footnotes":""},"categories":[21,152,53],"tags":[191,192,174,33,29,170,31,37],"class_list":["post-1311","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-connections","category-connections-new-story","category-must-reads","tag-coersion","tag-dating","tag-healing","tag-love","tag-pomegranate","tag-relationship","tag-sex","tag-social-media"],"yoast_head":"\n