“I broke up my second long term relationship because I came to the realisation that I love treating men like absolute garbage”.

For Michelle, this is how she initially became involved in a kink known as Findom, short for financial domination. 

This online fetish finds men, known as ‘subs’ or ‘paypigs’, sending money to women that they’ve never even met.

Findom relationships typically focus around power dynamics with consensual control from a female ‘domme’ and often include aspects of humiliation or degradation.

Ngoc Anh, 22, from Germany, who goes by the alias Michelle, found the community in 2021 but only became a domme more recently.

“I wanted to live freely and live out this fetish again.” Michelle says, “I love insulting men, I love doing mind games and it gives me such a thrill to make them cry. In my last relationship, I craved to be fully toxic and unhealthy. 

“I thought, why should I force myself into society’s expectations of relationships and try to be someone that I am clearly not? Which is exactly why I seek out these types of dynamics to not be judged for who I am.” 

Michelle engages with this kink to fulfill her own sexual fantasies that she feels are difficult to live out in real life.

She finds that many people assume that women, like herself, become dommes as a ‘get rich quick scheme’, but this is not the case. 

In fact, Michelle only makes 15% of her income through findom and refers to it as money that is ‘nice to have’ but she doesn’t depend on it. 

“Compared to other dommes I don’t make a lot but I’m content with it,” she says.

“For me, the pros are getting to live out my sexual fantasies and the boost in confidence, having a bunch of men worshipping my mere existence, my looks and my smarts is just a big ego boost, and it makes me feel powerful.”

Michelle has three to four long-term subs and prefers the long-term dynamics as it allows a more natural connection to build and she gets to know many different kinds of people. 

“For me I prefer friendship-like dynamics, chatting everyday about various topics or playing games and then sexual parts just happen naturally,” she says.

Someone else who fully immerses himself in the kink is Luca, who is a 23-year-old university student and findom sub from Italy.

He has one long-term domme who he met online last year and even occasionally sends money to her husband. 

“I love making my domme happy, love that she uses my money however she wants to,” Luca says, “I feel like she is so superior and she deserves everything I have, it makes me work extra hard just so I can earn more money to send to her. 

“Obviously I worry, I don’t want to end up with nothing, but honestly it is kind of hot.”

Luca’s domme sells adult content online but he is not allowed to view it, which he likes, stating that the most he has received is a picture of her feet after sending her thousands of pounds. 

“Some people think findom is just a quick way to get money, they drain the subs of everything and that’s it. But findom is way more than that,” he says, “We have to build a relationship with the domme and sub, see what each other want, have some ground rules and always be safe.

“I always save some money for emergencies and I check how much she can spend each month. She also cares about me and knows if anything goes wrong she won’t use the money until I figure everything out.”

Jody Sill, a psychosexual therapist and kink educator from Sheffield says, “For many domme’s involved in findom, it’s not purely just about the gifts or the money. They may form a deep connection with their subs which may feel lovely to have.

“Submissives may genuinely enjoy the sharing of wealth or showering their domme with gifts as a way to demonstrate their devotion.

“There are a wealth of benefits that dommes and submissives may gain from such a dynamic.”

For some, this idea of a mutual relationship in findom is hard to grasp, with there being a common misconception that all dommes are exploiting their subs. 

However, for a lot of these men, that is where they find enjoyment within the kink.

Derek*, 43, a findom sub, told us that the most he has ever spent on a domme within a couple of hours was $2000, with $500 of that being in a single send.

“I would say that ‘exploitation’ to some degree is an inherent part of findom,” Derek says, “I have never been concerned about it. 

“I enjoy the humiliation aspect of the kink, I have had silent humanATM dynamics, where I found sexual pleasure in being treated like a machine.

“I have at times even caught myself hoping that a domme I was engaging with would be a man scamming me. I think I enjoy it because it makes me feel below them, it makes me feel stupid, lesser.”

According to a 2026 Gitnux report, 65% of men report having fantasized about being dominated, with dominance and submission dynamics being the core to 70% of kinks.

Jody says, “As this is a kink that tends to operate more so in online spaces as opposed to in person, I do believe it is easier for people to be exploited.  

“However, I have also known of dommes to use their financial powers to help subs learn how to budget. For example, by taking control of the sub’s finances and reviewing their outgoings, which I think is pretty wholesome”. 

The use of the word ‘exploitation’ is controversial in findom, as the consensual and intentional aspect of these dynamics means that its definition can be debated. 

Jay*, 27, is a self-proclaimed masochist from the USA. He has taken a step away from the findom community after previously partaking as a sub. 

“I think subs are being exploited, but the worst exploitation comes with my consent. It is what I am drawn to”, Jay says. “It is unequivocally a negative space for masochists. It’s a dangerous kink.

“I was concerned about how much I give to people who aren’t interested in my long-term wellbeing. That’s why I seek out sadists who legitimately enjoy the kink over those who are doing it for money.”

For those who genuinely immerse themselves in the kink, safety and trust is a high priority, with the idea of exploitation simply being a part of the sexual relationship. 

“Everything is consensual and mutual,” says Michelle, “Rarely do I feel like I am exploiting someone because consent is very important to me, and if someone gives me consent to exploit them, is it really exploitation then? 

“Some subs have more self control than others, which is why I have to watch out for the budget. I have never fully drained someone, I have always stopped on my own accord.

“This might sound unbelievable, but I don’t feel comfortable receiving huge amounts of money. Even if subs get addicted to sending, I personally find it really sickening and inhumane to take advantage of the mentally ill and addicted people. 

“It’s a domme’s job to watch out for a sub‘s wellbeing.”

On the surface, the men who immerse themselves in this kink seemingly enjoy feeling inferior to the woman who is dominating over them, finding pleasure in the subservient role.

However, to some, this actually feels like patriarchy in disguise, with some arguing that it’s the subs that are exploitative. 

“A lot of subs are actually highly misogynistic,” says Michelle, “they feel very entitled to see me and my body. I can tell, mentally these subs feel like they are above dommes, because they think money gives them power and authority. 

“I immediately block these types of subs because I would never let a sub or generally a man treat me with such disrespect. 

“I have high standards for subs, so I only accept those who truly submit to me and show respect towards me. Basically, I create a power imbalance on purpose, where I carry all the authority.” 

Jay also shares Michelle’s view on misogyny within the findom community, finding flaws with the ways women are pitted against each other, as well as how some subs try to use their monetary power. 

“In this community, there is a trope of ‘spoiling’ where a woman is rewarded for her appearance,” Jay says. “It reinforces the idea that women should be valued based on their sex appeal. If that’s not patriarchal, I don’t know what is.

“I’m not convinced that all of these self avowed ‘subs’ are masochists. If they are, their ‘submission’ is often filtered through a patriarchal system where they retain buying power. 

“Money is a universal medium of power. In reality, either role can be exploitative, even if someone is doing their best to disguise their behaviour as ‘worshipping’.”

For women like Michelle, they are reclaiming their feminine power through findom and it seems that the idea of exploitation and the imbalance of power is essential to embracing this kink.